i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize