I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize