yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
smell my finger.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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