Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
