and she was petting her beer can
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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