I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
