3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
