2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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