Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
