She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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