FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
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