heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
