This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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