I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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