...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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