youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
