i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
