The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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