I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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