If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
