i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
