just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
