if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
