yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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