eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
