Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Mom said you looked used
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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