Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
