my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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