And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
