Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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