She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
