i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
whose parrot is this?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
