dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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