Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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