we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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