I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
