my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
