You smell like stripper and shame
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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