you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
