i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
