lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
