Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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