I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
