Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
