You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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