Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
