So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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