lets start a swedish sibling band together
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
