Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
