Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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