i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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