i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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