you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
