Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
