you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
