I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
