i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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