you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
