and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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