what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
