i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I want a musical about memes.
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