This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
the raccoons are back...
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