Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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