Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
