So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
