Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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