Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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