All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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