so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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